Unconditional: Relationships and Bipolar Disorder

Here is a fun and dreadful topic. If you have bipolar disorder and have ever tried to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have it, you have probably had a lot of fights, many of which include words like "you're being irrational" directed toward you. While this may not be a fun thing to hear (or a fair thing to say), the truth is that romantic relationships in particular are built around emotions. And emotions are not the most rational things.

In November of 2003, the magazine Psychology Today published an article with a particularly chilling statistic that many of those of us who are trying to learn about and manage our illness have already seen. According to this article, "Managing Bipolar Disorder," marriages with one spouse who has bipolar have a divorce rate estimated around 90%. I've never been married, but that statistic makes me really doubt that I would try it, even if I did have a prospective partner.

I'll freely admit that because of my disease, I tend to isolate myself. I haven't actually gone on a date in two years. I have heard so many guys call me crazy that I eventually stopped trying to meet anyone. I ignored or shot down attempts to flirt with me until I finally just stopped taking part in social situations where I would encounter single men interested in finding a date (or more likely a one-night-stand).

Today my therapist asked me if I could picture myself being in a relationship in the future. My answer was that I wasn't so sure. Then, of course, I had to admit for the sake of honesty, "Sure, I'd like to be in a relationship. It's a pretty common human desire."

I went on to explain that while I had been in touch with an old boyfriend, lately his emails have come fewer and further between, and I haven't bothered to try emailing him in more than ten days. The main reason is that I don't want to get too attached, but there's also the fact that I suspect he's not especially interested in pursuing anything, even if he initiated the contact.

Let's face it: getting attached to someone romantically tends to end poorly anyway, but if you're living with a mental illness, those attachments tend to end far worse than 'poorly.' This probably isn't the healthiest attitude toward relationships. Okay, it's not healthy at all, but at least it's common among people who don't have mental illnesses, too.

I really wish I had something positive to say about this whole matter, but my experience has been distinctly negative. Now that I'm actually working to manage my disease, maybe there is a possibility, however distant, that I could one day attempt a relationship again. I certainly don't plan to put any money on it, though.