Powering Down

Well, last night just as I sat down at my computer to type up a post, the power died. Fourteen hours later, schools were cancelled, nursing homes had to be emergency evacuated, and I was starting to get a bit grouchy about the lack of air conditioning (and internet). All thanks to the very same energy company recently caught illegally pumping contaminated water into rivers. (Actually, that wasn't the first time, if you read the article.)

So a special thanks is owed to these dingbats for not only being a terrible energy company in terms of service quality, but also for breaking the law to destroy our planet.

Does this even need a caption?

With that, I shall conclude my rant against certain evil corporations and step off my soapbox. It sure is easy to get to ranting, probably more so because I have a mental illness. I'll get very angry about people doing rotten things to others, and even sometimes to myself. Of course, forgiveness is one of the central tenets of my beliefs (and a major tenet of most religions, Eastern and Western) and moreover, it's much healthier than clinging to anger over past offenses.

Powering down after getting angry or worked up can be incredibly difficult. I've asked some of the people in my support group, DBSA, what they do to make themselves feel better when they're down, but we haven't discussed what we do when we're angry. I tend to stalk around smoking cigarettes and walk in circles even as I think in circles. Then I find a video game that lets me kill monsters with excessive amounts of damage.

In the earliest levels, no less.

I can't necessarily say that works all that well. Sometimes video games work me up more, especially when I have to try six different types of tactics for a boss fight or another super-annoying enemy. Such silly little frustrations only end up adding to whatever irrational rage is festering in me, which can't be a good thing. In my more calm moments, I wish I were better at meditating.

In truth I have been trying to work on meditating a bit more, usually via prayer. Now to be perfectly clear, I am not telling anyone they should pray or need to pray in order to meditate or calm down. If it helps you meditate, calms you down, and/or makes you feel better, then I won't stop you. It does those things for me, but I'm thoroughly against forcing religion on others. If praying makes you anxious or angry or irritable, then you probably shouldn't.

If one of these helps, awesome. If not, that's fine, too.

Calming techniques are probably the most difficult thing to master. I certainly haven't mastered them, and the old techniques I used were obviously not healthy. One thing I have noticed among people at the meetings is that many of us rely on distractions to get out of our heads. That is something I can definitely relate to, and something the internet is the all-time master of providing.

Lately I have been getting more involved in community things, from breakfasts to fundraising to peer facilitation with DBSA. More than video games or memes or even intoxicants, I've started to notice that being involved and reaching out to other people is one of the best distractions from my own problems that I have experienced. There are a lot of people out there in much worse situations than my own, not that this minimizes a severe mental illness, but it does go a long way to offer perspective. For example, if I had this illness and lived in an abusive family, or a third-world country with minimal medical care, my life would be a lot worse.

For all that bipolar disorder has made a lot of things harder, from relationships to work to finishing college, there are some things it can help with, and I think one of those is empathy for others. If you've ever met someone who truly understood what you are feeling, not just felt sorry for you, then you know a little empathy goes a long way. I've been very fortunate to meet such people at DBSA, and I know I plug the organization a lot, but they've done a lot to help me, and I'd like to return the favor.